It's been a long time since I've sat down and actually taken enough time to just be able to put my thoughts into words. Since November, my life has been surreal, I can't even believe it's happened myself. Ladies and gentlemen, Ca$h has fallen in LOVE. I thought I'd be 24 or older before I ever used the word "love" again, God I know that was my plan, but everything kind of just happened. Preston is his name, and he's nothing short of greatness, point blank. For these past couple of months, I've made a lot of choices that are very much not like myself, and I'm not a person with a whole lot of regrets, but I have a couple because of this.
I gave up my job, and everybody knows I love money, so I myself still can't come up with an explanation for that one other than I got distracted by a new relationship. Towards the beginning of me a Preston's relationship, I felt like I was in high school again with a new boyfriend that I couldn't seem to tear myself away from. Therefore, while I was at work, I couldn't do anything but worry about when I was getting off so that I could get back to being by his side. Soon, that turned into excuses, and a lot of call-in's, to where I eventually became unemployed. To anybody that knows me, that is NOT something that I ever do. Everything is ok though now, because I have another job now, where I'm happy.<3
I distanced myself from family and friends, and I think this is my biggest regret. I put my all into this new relationship, and kind of put all of my other outside relationships on hold. Wrong to the fullest, and this I know, I became one of those girls that I've always hated; I couldn't manage my relationship with Preston and still maintain my relationships with people like my mom, my dad, my brother (which isn't really an issue), Kiersten, who shared many endless insomniac nights with me, Callie, and some other people. For so long I just wanted somebody all to myself, and now that I have him, I don't even know where to start picking up the pieces with everybody else.
I don't want sympathy, because all this is my doing, but I just want a solution. I feel like I've been out of the picture for so long, that I don't know how to go about getting back in the picture. They say that your true friends are going to be your friends regardless of how often you talk/see each other, or no matter the situation, you know that they'll still be there. My mom and dad, lol they love me unconditionally, and while I'm not living with them anymore, I make an effort to see them every weekend, and call if I'm not going to make it over. It's just my friends that I'm worried about, and when I say "friends", I can count them all on one hand. Now that I'm getting back on my feet, I'm not embarrassed to go hangout with them, because for the longest that's what it was all about. I was embarrassed because I strayed so far away from the Brittany that they knew, so I just kept my distance, hoping I'd bounce back a little sooner, but later is better than never.
Preston B. is an amazing boyfriend, and I finally found the relationship I've been waiting for, I'm happy again. From day one he's been asking to meet my friends outside of Callie, so it's time for me to work on that. I've got nothing to be ashamed of, and I shouldn't have even been ashamed in the first place; your true friends will love you for you, not for what you do or don't have.
picking up the pieces,
Ca$h
No comments:
Post a Comment